Wordless Wednesday: Laser-Eye Cats

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Why My Cats Are Like Children
Cats Gone (Mildly) Wild on Camera
My Little Turn on the Catwalk

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Where's the B in GLBT?

For those of you who don't know, GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered.

The suckiest thing about being bi is not fitting into either the straight world or the gay world and having the gay world refuse to let you feel safe from the straight world (where OMG the gender assumptions drive me MAD) with them because you're not "gay enough." Turns out, I'm not the only one feeling this way either. Pink News reported:

Stonewall research has suggested that bisexual people face a number of challenges in being open about their sexuality at work.

The LGB charity commissioned research and interviews with bisexual employees and found that feeling excluded by lesbian and gay co-workers was a particular concern for bisexual staff.

It found that both straight and gay people were likely to have little awareness of bisexuality, assuming that bisexuals must be in the closet or straight people wanting to experiment.

One private sector worker told researchers: "I think the lesbian and gay community has made tremendous strides of progress over the last several years. Of course there’s a long way to go, but I would say that the bisexual community is many years behind where the lesbian and gay community is."

In the gay community, I feel attacked and judged for being who I am. Bisexuals are often treated as if we're cheating because we have the option of looking "normal" to society - never mind if we don't want that "advantage" and would rather be seen for ourselves; and generally, it seems the overall consensus of queers is that bis are simply just greedy, as gay male acquaintance of mine told me the last time I was at Sidekicks, a local gay bar.

Discovering that you're not straight in this society comes with a barrel full of problems from family, friends and society at large. Having attractions to both sexes instead of one, doesn't really make this any less problematic in terms of self-discovery, self-acceptance or community acceptance. But it seems like gay people don't really take this to heart. Bi women are treated as heart-stealing harpies in lesbian pop culture and the overwhelming message seems to be that we simply cannot be trusted as much as lesbian women or gay men or trans persons.

This is really frustrating for me, because I don't feel in anyway straight, whether or not I look like it from the outside. To me, the essential sexual alignment of my soul is pointed towards women and I often wish I came off as dykey as I feel. But I'm just not that butch. Fitting in with straight people is doable, but not my first choice. Unfortunately, my alternative is often being told verbally in some way or just through dirty looks that I'm not gay enough to fit with the queers, which makes me want to pout and cry.

It amazes me that the gays who judge me don't comprehend that being bisexual doesn't save you from the pain, isolation and awkwardness of not being straight and it doesn't make your life any easier. Instead, I have to deal with straight people not understanding that I'm not straight or even half straight and thus still being treated like a straight woman, and I have to deal with gays treating me like I LOVE coming off all straight and shit, all the while I have no community support for the unique bullshit that I have to deal with in such situations, because I, like most bis I know, don't feel accepted enough in GLBT communities to share our problems and to be heard in a sympathetic way so we don't go there for help.

Not to gloss over the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING non-judgmental fabulous straight, trans, queer and gay people who simply accept me as I am! Though few and often far-between, it is a blessing. But overall, being bi ends up being just one more frustrating challenge for your favorite little weirdo who don't quite fit in no place in this very fractured society we have.

Related posts:
Both/And Sexuality
Not Quite All Out (Being Bi)
Label Me

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Seen Around Midtown: Autumn Leaves

Ahh... Autumn! The time of year when the cold makes us want to be inside but the beautiful leaves draw us out in spite of ourselves!

All these and more photos, etc. are available on my deviantArt page.

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Seen Around Midtown: Homeless People and Furniture
Seen Around Midtown: Named Apartments
Seen Around Midtown: Roanoke Neighborhood

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Eco Art

"Nature Takes Hold"

Artists are obviously influenced by the changes around them and I've been really interested in pieces that are expressions of artists' feelings about climate change. The picture above is one of my bleakest visions of the future (usually I try to hope that we will somehow muddle our way out of this). I made it just a couple days before I ran into these eco art pieces (via TreeHugger), which I find fascinating.

Mud Graffiti by Jesse Graves


According to TreeHugger:

Jesse Graves has been running around Milwaukee stenciling his artistic messages of eco-sanity on sidewalks, walls, and concrete pylons. But lucky for his lungs and his criminal record, he's doing it with mud instead of paint. Graves, who signs his work MSR (mud stencils rule), writes: "I use mud or earth because it is a fundamental life-giving substance, logical for my messages. Mud stencils are an evolving medium, intended for art and social justice, not corporate advertisement."

Visit Graves' website to find out how to make your own!

Climate Change Watercolors by Jamie Hewlett (aka Gorillaz Animator)

The following images are on sale (with others) from Oxfam, the nonprofit with which Jamie Hewlett went to Bangladesh to see the effects of climate change first hand.

"This shows the kids up in the trees, which for many of them is the safest place to go during the floods – gathering some food rations to keep them going and climbing up, staying there for as long as they can."

"This is one of the stacks that we saw which shows how the villagers store their crops. It’s built up on a platform so the water doesn’t wash it away. It’s attached to an old tree and on top of the mound they have netting which is fastened so it all stays intact."

"This is the river erosion, showing how the bank has almost been sliced away."

All quotes above are from Hewlett. According to TreeHugger:

Oxfam has been active in the area for years working with the people to help them learn how to prepare for floods and monsoons. They raise their homes up on a clay base to protect them from the flood waters. They store food and firewood on platforms above their beds to keep them dry.

Hewlett was very moved by his experience of spending a week in the town with the townspeople. The paintings, all in sepia tones, are very delicate and show a realism unlike his usual animation style. He says:

"Char Atra is such an idyllic place and it's horrific to think of it being simply washed away, devastating the community. I wanted my paintings to be optimistic as well as realistic and I wanted to show what a beautiful place it is. I hope by concentrating on the people and their every day lives that I have given people here in Britain something they can relate to."

He was particularly impressed by the children and their strength and resiliency.

The purchase of any of these images will go towards raising money for Oxfam.

Related posts:
Climate Change Art Destroys All Humans
Photographic Philanthropy: Blue Earth Alliance
Pika's On Pike's Peak

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How To Approach Women In Public Without Being a Threat

Found this amazing article via @hoochimama and it made me so excited! Women of necessity must navigate the world differently than guys and the best men are the ones who are sensitive to this. As someone who is often subject to street harassment and as a feminist who's generally trying to make the world a safer place for women, I was so happy to find this article outlining for guys the mental process women are going through when they are approached by a strange man. I know I talk about the negative side of this stuff, so I was really glad to find a proactive approach to share.

Below is the absolute best of the post, for the entire thing, visit Shapley Prose.

The first thing you need to understand is that women are dealing with a set of challenges and concerns that are strange to you, a man. To begin with, we would rather not be killed or otherwise violently assaulted.

“But wait! I don’t want that, either!”

Well, no. But do you think about it all the time? Is preventing violent assault or murder part of your daily routine, rather than merely something you do when you venture into war zones? Because, for women, it is. When I go on a date, I always leave the man’s full name and contact information written next to my computer monitor. This is so the cops can find my body if I go missing.

...

So when you, a stranger, approach me, I have to ask myself: Will this man rape me?

Do you think I’m overreacting? One in every six American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. I bet you don’t think you know any rapists, but consider the sheer number of rapes that must occur... Consider: if every rapist commits an average of ten rapes (a horrifying number, isn’t it?) then the concentration of rapists in the population is still a little over one in sixty. That means four in my graduating class in high school. One among my coworkers. One in the subway car at rush hour. Eleven who work out at my gym. How do I know that you, the nice guy who wants nothing more than companionship and True Love, are not this rapist?

I don’t.

When you approach me in public, you are Schrödinger’s Rapist. You may or may not be a man who would commit rape. I won’t know for sure unless you start sexually assaulting me. I can’t see inside your head, and I don’t know your intentions. If you expect me to trust you—to accept you at face value as a nice sort of guy—you are not only failing to respect my reasonable caution, you are being cavalier about my personal safety.

Fortunately, you’re a good guy. We’ve already established that. Now that you’re aware that there’s a problem, you are going to go out of your way to fix it, and to make the women with whom you interact feel as safe as possible.

To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance. When you approach me, I will begin to evaluate the possibility you will do me harm. That possibility is never 0%. For some women, particularly women who have been victims of violent assaults, any level of risk is unacceptable. Those women do not want to be approached, no matter how nice you are or how much you’d like to date them. [That's me motherfuckers! -May] Okay? That’s their right. Don’t get pissy about it. Women are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.

The second important point: you must be aware of what signals you are sending by your appearance and the environment. We are going to be paying close attention to your appearance and behavior and matching those signs to our idea of a threat.

...

Pay attention to the environment. Look around. Are you in a dark alley? Then probably you ought not approach a woman and try to strike up a conversation. The same applies if you are alone with a woman in most public places. If the public place is a closed area (a subway car, an elevator, a bus), even a crowded one, you may not realize that the woman’s ability to flee in case of threat is limited. Ask yourself, “If I were dangerous, would this woman be safe in this space with me?” If the answer is no, then it isn’t appropriate to approach her.

On the other hand, if you are both at church accompanied by your mothers, who are lifelong best friends, the woman is as close as it comes to safe. That is to say, still not 100% safe. But the odds are pretty good.

The third point: Women are communicating all the time. Learn to understand and respect women’s communication to you.

You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.

If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”

On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.

The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.

There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?

Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.

This man scores higher on the threat level scale... You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.

So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.

For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.

Thoughts?

Related posts:
Skirting the Issue: Fashion and Fetish
Rape is NOT an Occupational Hazard
The Unapologetic Mexican

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Gifted Hands Stops Domestic Violence Before It Starts

Attendees making stuff at Create Your Own Reality @ Gifted Hands.

Click here for more photos.

My friend @darcybl puts on an event I've talked about before called Create Your Own Reality which I describe as being arts & crafts for grownups (tho kids can come too). You can also think of it as a quilting bee where you don't have to quilt. Every month CYOR is held in a different public place and this month, it was held at Gifted Hands.

This was beautifully appropriate since October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Gifted Hands is all about empowering teen girls and training them to avoid damaging relationships. I'm so jazzed about this because it's the absolute perfect response to this problem: stopping it before it starts!

In case you are clueless about Gifted Hands, as I was, here's some info: They are located in Crown Center and the front, fund-raising part of the operation is a shop that sells local artist's paintings, prints, bookmarks, jewelry and more. It was full of gorgeous stuff that I would have wanted whether or not it was going towards a good cause. I satisfied myself with this adorable ring:

Which I love and it goes so perfectly with this ring I got at Oh Wow! Balloons! from yet another local artist:

Okay, but back to the topic at hand! Can't let the shiny things distract me!

So, the shop's in the front and in the back (where CYOR was held) they have a classroom where they educate girls age 13-19 (no other restrictions) about relationships and more. And now I quote directly from the Gifted Hands (which is a 501c3 non-profit) brochure:

Domestic violence against women may be the most understated, misunderstood health crisis plaguing our country today. According to a recent study by the Centers for Disease Control, domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women in the United States and the number one reason women seek emergency medical treatment. There are numerous factors that contribute to this epidemic, but only one seems consistent with every victim: self-esteem.

Our belief is that one of the most important keys to alleviating domestic violence is prevention. Gifted Hands seeks to accomplish this by enhancing the self-esteem and sense of self-sufficiency in young girls in the hopes that they will never fall victim to the physical and emotional horrors of domestic abuse.

I love this approach! Nothing makes a Virgo happier than being proactive and I know if I had had self-esteem when I was younger I would have made MUCH better choices in my relationships. I'm excited to think of the lives this organization is changing! All the employees and board members who were at Create Your Own Reality were so excited about being able to help girls that it was impossible not to catch it from them. ^_^

You can find out more about Gifted Hands on their website or by dropping in at Crown Center.

Related posts:
Create Your Own Reality
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

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Commission Me! [NSFW]

I made this Pabst-gina on commission from the fabulous nerdcore rapper MC Router to give away at her show.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO MAKE SOMETHING CRAZY AWESOME FOR YOU!

So commission me!

I'll draw/paint whatever you want (assuming I'm physically capable and you like how it looks) and you'll pay for whatever materials I need and some sort of hourly fee. I'm thinking of using a sliding scale for the hourly rate from $5 to $10 but we can also just set a price arbitrarily based on what we think it's worth and what you can afford.

Drop me a line and we'll chat if you like: reddvenus AT gmail DOT com.

Feel free to browse my gallery in DeviantArt (the ones you can't see unless you're signed in are the naughty ones, p.s.) for examples of my work.

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